New year is suppose to be a very happy reunion moment with the love ones and siblings and many other relatives and friends. Unfortunately, this seem difficult to happen for this coming NEW YEAR !
Looking back 2009, many unhappy incidents happened among my siblings and it has reached the stage that relationship cannot be 'repair' any more. Heartaching and tear dropping ! I have to cancel the annual 'da tuan pai' which we used to do every year !! I felt a bit lost and not able to adjust my feeling for a moment.
I also feel bad for my beloved mother who has her left leg amputated last year. She needs full attention but due to her sickness, her temper and attitude has totally changed to another person. Her change has made her children draw away from her. I wonder , is live too long a nuisance to her children ? She loves to be with her sons but the sons are trying all ways to push her to each other. They are just reluctant to bare the responsibility to take care of her. The fact is she does not know what is happening around her. Otherwise she will be crying all day long !
Coming back to my own family. my children have all grown up to be adult and they do not need my attention anymore . I seem freed from responsibilities as a mother but at the same time it has created a vacuum to me to the extend that i feel my value depreciates .. I know i should be proud that my kids who do not give me much trouble and indeed they all are well brought up kids but the uncertain feeling strikes me again ! I will be mad if this stupid feeling come back again and again..
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