Beauty from inside out

It has been quite sometime i did not go and look for new outfit for myself. I felt lousy because both my weight and age accelerates as time passed by. I thought a woman at the 50s is not necessary to spend so much to dress up. Mind you it was very very wrong to have such mind set.

Somehow when i woke up this morning and when i looked at myself in the mirror, something flashed my mind that i could look better than the woman in the mirror. I decided to go for hairdo and go to a boutique to look for some new clothes for this coming CNY. I need to cheer up myself.

When i reached the boutique, the owner welcomed me with open hands because i have been there before. She started to sort out some dresses and blouses for me to try. She used to give XXXL size to try and surprisingly this time i felt loose. She stared at me and a sked : ' did you lose weight , you seemed shrinked in size wor ?' and she gave me downsize and it fitted me so well. I looked so different and the clock seem rewinded back to my 40s. She was very amazed she said i looked so much better than the year before. She complimented me in all aspects including my skin, hair, and my body etc etc. At the end she also asked me for the 'secret recipe' to maintain young .

Wah I felt so good and of course end up bought a few dress from her lor. Appearance and dress code really can transform a person 's look and enhance one's self esteem, believe or not !

A special CNY mood

New year is suppose to be a very happy reunion moment with the love ones and siblings and many other relatives and friends. Unfortunately, this seem difficult to happen for this coming NEW YEAR !

Looking back 2009, many unhappy incidents happened among my siblings and it has reached the stage that relationship cannot be 'repair' any more. Heartaching and tear dropping ! I have to cancel the annual 'da tuan pai' which we used to do every year !! I felt a bit lost and not able to adjust my feeling for a moment.

I also feel bad for my beloved mother who has her left leg amputated last year. She needs full attention but due to her sickness, her temper and attitude has totally changed to another person. Her change has made her children draw away from her. I wonder , is live too long a nuisance to her children ? She loves to be with her sons but the sons are trying all ways to push her to each other. They are just reluctant to bare the responsibility to take care of her. The fact is she does not know what is happening around her. Otherwise she will be crying all day long !

Coming back to my own family. my children have all grown up to be adult and they do not need my attention anymore . I seem freed from responsibilities as a mother but at the same time it has created a vacuum to me to the extend that i feel my value depreciates .. I know i should be proud that my kids who do not give me much trouble and indeed they all are well brought up kids but the uncertain feeling strikes me again ! I will be mad if this stupid feeling come back again and again..

complicated feeling

I just cannot explain my feeling today., sad, uncertain and lost my direction apparently. It just came like that.

I hope it was not the depression that i encounter before. I really need some external help. What should i do ? Talk to someone, shout it out, or hide away ???

Unreasonable mood swing

As i grow older , I really found some distinctive changes in my behaviour.

I become very sensitive and show my temper easily especially to my family members. My mood swing high and low and it is just out of my control. At times i was so down that i feel like i am so lonely and unwanted. I hope my family members will understand my feeling and do not blame me if i really hurt you guys unintentionally.

Please make some effort to understand me.

Sometimes i really wonder what is a lady look for when she is searching for her life partner? 4 Cs ? cash, credit card, condo and car ?

Some city girls are real " money duitan " and they are also very demanding especially to the requirements of their " target partner". Some say no need so tall but must at least 185cm, look not so important but must be smart and mature, not so rich never mind but at least earns 5 figures a month ..etc etc etc...and they claim that they are NOT demanding ! Wah , lol..! I wonder if they are demanding, what will be the conditions then ??

The most annoying kind of scenario is " riding on a cow and look for a white horse " ! I feel sorry for the one be treated as a cow and kena 'fei' when the real horse was found.

I also understood that many ppl do not mind the " one night stand" kind of attitude . They just want enjoyment without commitment !

Money evil

Many old people said that we should produce more children so that they can take care of the parents when they get old later. However in most cases it does not happen that way !

The tendency is the more children one has , the higher the chance is that the children would push away the responsibility to one another when comes to taking care of the old folks. Some of the "no sense devil" children can even try by hook or by crook to cheat the parents so called "coffin money" !! He can behave so caring and nice to the parents but in his mind, was full of tricks to dig the money out from the parents! I hate such idiots !

We can't live without money but wrongly use or abusing it could be evil!

Mother's Day Gift

I am sure all mothers love to receive something be it tangible or intangible from their children especially in a special day so call Mothers day - a day to signify the mother 's contribution to the family. I, as a mother also will be much delighted if i can rec something from my children too !

Guess what ? I got a surprised gift from my son who is still studying in spore. Since he cant present himself in this day, he had decided to tailor make a video clip which comprised of our sweet memories and the happy time together from the past to present. Hehe, what a good and meaningful idea that he has !

While watching i can really feel his love and care to me ! I was really touched and appreciated his good effort . I guess the hard time that i have gone through with the family and kids was well paid.

Thank you very much for his gift and i shall keep in my memory as long as i live and i love him too !